What happened the last time you shared a robust opinion online? Constructive dialogue… or a digital bloodbath? I’d put money on the latter.
More often than not these days, online comment sections descend into toxic cesspools. But why is it all so fraught? Two reasons.
Firstly, social algorithms are engineered to reward division and encourage polarisation. We've been trained by dopamine hits to communicate in absolutes. To be outraged. To be RIGHT at all costs. As if likes and shares were oxygen, and validation of our human worth.
Then there's the problem of context collapse, when our thoughts get served up to people we never intended to reach. A joke meant for friends lands in front of a stranger with no shared reference points. A professional opinion gets read by people outside your industry who lack the background to interpret it properly. A casual thought becomes amplified and scrutinised as if it were a formal manifesto.
We're seeing the consequences of these two factors play out with the erosion of civil discourse. Primarily on social platforms, but it's seeping into our offline lives too. To protect our collective sanity – and perhaps democracy itself – it's time for a refresher on how to share an opinion online without starting a fight.
(not me creating this so I can passive-aggressively link to it next time a douchebag enters my comments 👀)
Let’s get stuck in.
Hold your opinions lightly
Remember your opinion is your interpretation of the situation, not the gospel truth carved in stone. When confronted with the exact same information, others may reach entirely different conclusions based on their own experiences, values and contexts.
Get curious rather than dismissive: "I wonder why we see this so differently?" is infinitely more interesting than "You're wrong and here's why."
Challenge ideas, not people
It's fine to robustly challenge an ideology, concept or belief. It's not fine to call someone a clueless t**t because they disagree with you. This shuts down the conversation and usually descends into trading insults rather than thoughtful exchange.
Before hitting send, ask yourself: "Am I addressing the idea or attacking the person?"
Seek to connect rather than convert
Preaching rubs people up the wrong way. It’s more constructive to look for things in common, speak to shared experiences and explain concepts in contexts your audience understands.
People are less likely to get defensive and more likely to engage when they don't feel patronised or like they need to "switch sides" to agree with you.
Frame things positively
People switch off from the negative – there's so much of it that we’re all numb at this point. Instead of criticism, offer alternatives. Next steps. Positive actions.
Otherwise you're just an armchair critic, and honestly, when was the last time one of them set the world alight?
Fact check religiously
Be careful not to spread misinformation. Do your research from multiple sources. This is a particularly big problem with generative AI making plausible-sounding nonsense more accessible than ever.
Always question. Particularly the motivations behind certain research or statistics. Who funded it? What's their agenda? Be critical when you engage with information that might support your opinion.
Keep it light (when appropriate)
Add in a little wink and a nod. Trolls don't know what to do with self-aware humour – it doesn't give them anything to work with. A dash of levity can defuse tension and remind everyone there are humans on both sides of the screen.
Tread lightly with tone though. What reads as playful banter to you might come across as dismissive or sarcastic to others.
Listen generously
Assume good intentions, at least initially. Get curious about why someone might disagree with you. What values or experiences might be informing their perspective? What are they actually trying to say beneath their clumsy wording?
By all means defend your ideas, but do so without adding fuel to the fire. Don't mirror defensive behaviour with your own emotional armour.
Know when to disengage
If things start to spiral, it's perfectly fine to duck out. "I don't think we're making progress here, but I appreciate the exchange" is a graceful exit that preserves everyone's dignity.
Some battles aren't worth fighting – particularly online – and some people aren't interested in genuine dialogue. Recognise these situations early to protect your peace and energy.
Admit when you're wrong
Perhaps the most powerful thing you can do online is acknowledge when your thinking has evolved or when you've made a mistake. "I hadn't considered that perspective, thank you for sharing" or "You know what, I got that wrong" are statements of strength, not weakness.
Remember the human
Behind every avatar is a complex human with a lifetime of experiences, traumas, joys and contexts you know nothing about. They might be having the worst day of their life, or they might simply have misunderstood your point.
When in doubt, respond with grace. It costs nothing and might just change everything.
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Following this advice, online discourse becomes less about performance and more about genuine exchange. Did this resonate with you? Hit reply and let's chat 😊
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