What happened the last time you shared a robust opinion online – constructive dialogue? Or a digital bloodbath that left you drained?
More often than not these days, online comments sections descend into toxic cesspools. But why is it all so fraught? Two reasons.
Firstly, social algorithms are engineered to reward division and encourage polarisation. We've been trained by dopamine hits to communicate in absolutes. To be outraged. To be RIGHT at all costs. As if likes and shares were oxygen, and validation of our worth.
Then there's the problem of context collapse, when our thoughts get served up to people we never intended to reach. A joke meant for friends lands in front of a stranger with no shared reference points. A professional opinion gets read by people outside your industry who lack the background to interpret it properly. A casual thought becomes amplified and scrutinised as if it were a formal manifesto.
We're seeing the consequences of these factors play out with the erosion of civil discourse. Primarily on social platforms, but it's seeping into our offline lives too. To protect our collective sanity – and perhaps democracy itself – it's time for a refresher on how to share your opinion online without sowing division.
Let’s get stuck in.
Hold your opinions lightly
Your opinion is your interpretation of the situation, not the gospel truth carved in stone. When confronted with the same information, others may reach different conclusions based on their own experiences, values and contexts.
Get curious rather than dismissive: "I wonder why we see this so differently?" is infinitely more interesting than "You're wrong and here's why."
Challenge ideas, not people
It's fine to robustly challenge an ideology, concept or belief. It's not fine to call someone a clueless twat because they disagree with you. This shuts down the conversation and usually causes a spiral of insults rather than thoughtful exchange.
Before hitting send, ask yourself: "Am I addressing the idea or attacking the person?"
Seek to connect rather than convert
Preaching doesn't get you anywhere and usually rubs people up the wrong way. Look for things in common, speak to shared experiences, explain concepts in contexts people understand.
People are less likely to get defensive and more likely to engage when they don't feel patronised or like they need to "switch sides" to agree with you.
Frame things positively
People switch off from the negative – there's so much of it and it's not helpful or constructive. Instead of endless criticism, offer alternatives. Next steps. Positive actions.
Otherwise you're just an armchair critic, and honestly, we've got enough of those already.
Fact check religiously
Be careful not to spread misinformation. Do your research from multiple sources. This is a particularly big problem with Gen AI making plausible-sounding nonsense more accessible than ever.
Always question. Particularly the motivations behind certain research or statistics. Who funded it? What's their agenda? Be a critical thinker when you engage with information that might form your opinion or that you might reshare.
Keep it light (when appropriate)
Add in a little wink and a nod. Trolls don't know what to do with self-aware humour – it doesn't give them anything to work with. A dash of wit can defuse tension and remind everyone there are humans on both sides of the screen.
Tread lightly with tone though. What reads as playful banter to you might come across as dismissive or sarcastic to others.
Listen generously
Assume good intentions, at least initially. Get curious about why someone might disagree with you. What values or experiences might be informing their perspective? What are they actually trying to say beneath their clumsy wording?
By all means defend your ideas, but do so without adding fuel to the fire. Don't mirror defensive behaviour with your own defensiveness.
Know when to disengage
If it spirals or you get caught going round in circles, it's perfectly fine to duck out. "I don't think we're making progress here, but I appreciate the exchange" is a graceful exit that preserves everyone's dignity.
Some battles aren't worth fighting, and some people aren't interested in genuine dialogue. Recognise these situations early and protect your mental health.
Admit when you're wrong
Perhaps the most powerful thing you can do online is acknowledge when your thinking has evolved or when you've made a mistake. "I hadn't considered that perspective, thank you for sharing it" or "You know what, I got that wrong" are statements of strength, not weakness.
Remember the human
Behind every avatar is a complex human with a lifetime of experiences, traumas, joys and contexts you know nothing about. They might be having the worst day of their life, or they might simply have misunderstood your point.
When in doubt, respond with grace. It costs nothing and might just change everything.
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Following this advice, online discourse becomes less about performance and more about genuine exchange. If this has resonated with you, I work with forward-thinking professionals and brands who want to contribute positively to their field with thoughtful, nuanced perspectives.
Together, we'll explore how to craft communication that genuinely connects – rather than performing for likes. We'll look at how you can balance having strong opinions with creating space for dialogue, and position you as a genuine contributor to the conversations that matter in your industry.
